


FG FS E2: The Fat Man Watches At Midnight

by orphan_account



Series: Freakin' Sweet! Alternate Continuity Family Guy [3]
Category: Family Guy
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-14
Updated: 2015-05-14
Packaged: 2018-03-30 12:36:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3937021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stewie and Meg bond at a brother-sister banquet. Meanwhile, Peter gets a dangerous job at a local pizzeria.</p>
            </blockquote>





	FG FS E2: The Fat Man Watches At Midnight

"This week we are having an official brother-sister banquet." The crappy PA blared. Stewie grimaced, clutching at his ears. Christ, the elementary school couldn't have a decent announcement system, could it? No, it had to be this shitty squeaky hissing piece of unfiltered stool that decided to invade your ears like a particularly angry force taking siege. It wasn't even anything important, either. "Students who attend will receive extra credit, and those who don't will be laughed at for having a shitty family."

"...They're really getting to the point nowadays, aren't they?" Stewie frowned, looking up from his 'creative writing assignment'. (Which he'd turned the prompt of 'write about one of your favorite memories' into his personal reminiscing on the many enemies he'd vanquished and how proud he was that they all were to submit to him from now on.) Even then, he had to note the gist of the announcement: most people had cool siblings...probably? "Hey....what's your name?" He stared over at a boy with black hair.

"Rico."

"Alright, Rico, do you have interesting siblings? Yes or no?"

"Um, my brother's a stunt double."

"My sister's an army general!" A girl piped up.

"My sister's a model!" 

"My brother's a singer!"

Stewie grimaced, slowly lowering his head onto his desk and letting out an annoyed groan. He had two choices: he could either take Chris...

_"Hey, Stewie! I learned how to fart the alphabet yesterday, dad taught me! All the way up to E! ...Then, uh....then you don't wanna see what happens."_

...No, not Chris. Definitely not Chris. Then he only had one other choice, it seemed. Meg. And it was debatable whether that was better or worse. She wasn't a hairy-palmed overweight loser, but she wasn't exactly anything 'special', either. In fact, everyone else seemed to hate her, and at times he wondered why, exactly? Well, no, not everyone. Brian and Chris didn't hate her, neither did he, but Lois and the Fat Man seemed to revel in taking the piss out of her, even if Lois had apologized after that last incident.

It was a bit unbelievable that everyone should loathe her. Hm. So perhaps she wouldn't be that bad of a choice after all. He'd have to see.

* * *

 

"HEEEEEEEEEYYYY KIDS!" That was the sound of a loud, overdramatic voice on the TV - one belonging to a costumed mascot (a panda, to be exact) that pranced onto the screen. "MY VERY OWN PIZZERIA, DANNY DUNPANDA'S PIZZERIA IS OPENING UP SOON!"

"Oh, God, one of those loud Chuck-E-Cheese ripoffs." Brian groaned.

"I dunno, I think they're fun." Peter shrugged.

"That's because you play the games that are intended for children."

"All ages, Brian. All ages. It's fun for the whole family!" Peter grinned. Brian only shook his head in response.

"AND WE'RE LOOKING FOR NIGHT GUAAAAARRDDSSS!"

Peter's eyes widened. "...Brian, it's perfect! I'll become a night guard and get to play the games all the time so I can get all the tickets and prizes I want! I'll finally get that gigantic stuffed Spongebob!"

"You don't even like Spongebob."

"But I WAAAAANT IT, Brian!"

"Plus, you've already got a job at the Brewery."

"That's a DAY job, Brian." Peter pointed out. "They asked for a NIGHT guard. I can do that! Besides, I don't need to be at home much, and if anyone wants to see me, they can come to play games and eat pizza! It's perfect! Everyone wins!"

"If you say so. Personally, those animatronics always creeped me out." 

"Pssh. They're just robots. Not like they're evil and alive." 

"Whatever. I'm gonna go pick up Stewie." Brian got up, heading for the door. "You have fun with applying for the night shift or whatever."

"I WILL, Brian! I WILL!"

* * *

 

Stewie clutched the ad in his hand, letting out a long sigh as he climbed into the car. 

"What's that?" Brian asked, pointing to the paper. "Another one of those parent events? I mean, I could--"

"Brian, that would be creepy now." Stewie closed the door with a small grin. Brian paused for a moment, and--

"Oh. OH. Yeah. Uh. Ha." 

"....You didn't forget, did you?" Stewie crossed his arms. "I mean, if you're that disinterested, you don't have--"

"Okay, I'm only acting disinterested because we're still in a school zone and I'd prefer not to be in jail."

"...Oh. Yeah. Good point. Anyway, no, it's not. They decided to hold a Brother-Sister Banquet." Stewie stared at the paper. "And I've got to go or everyone will laugh at my horrible family life."

"Who said that?"

"The principal."

".......Well, are you going to take Chris?"

"Actually, I thought I'd take Meg." Stewie stated. Brian blinked, glancing over at the 8-year old. 

"You sure about that? I mean, Chris is an idiot, yeah, but Meg is....Meg."

"And what's wrong with Meg? I've never fully understood that, to be honest. I played along because everyone else hated her and I didn't want to be the odd man out, but I've never truly understood why Meg is just destined to be hated. She's not THAT ugly. A bit homely, yes, but not holy-grail-level-face-melting ugly like everyone thinks she is." 

"Yeah I guess you're right. Just don't kill anyone if it turns out badly."

"I guarantee nothing." Stewie smirked. "...We out of the school zone yet?"

"Almost."

"Fine, fine, keeping me waiti--"

"Alright, now we a--mmph--okay maybe warn me before you start--"

"Shut the hell up and kiss me already, I've had a long day as is."

The dog rolled his eyes, but by the cheerful wagging of his tail and by the fact that the kiss was quickly returned soon after, it was obvious it was just a put-on.

* * *

 

Meg collapsed onto her bed, letting out a long sigh. After that episode with Connie - that weird kiss that she said to never speak of again - it was all pretty confusing. She hugged onto her pillow, biting at her lip. She hadn't brought it up again - just like Connie said not to - so she was doing what was asked of her, but it was all...more than a bit confusing. So much so that it was hard not to bring it up and the fact that she'd just gone back to being the outcast as usual seemed...odd, oddly enough.

She didn't get much time to think, however.

"Knock knock." Oh. That was...her younger brother, yeah. She snapped back into reality.

"Stewie? ...Why's your shirt on backwards?" Meg sat up, staring at her clearly slightly disorganized - as far as appearance went at the moment - brother. "...And your pants are kinda halfwa--"

"Don't mind that." Stewie tugged his pants up, pulling his arms in and spinning his shirt around. "Alright, so, there's a brother-sister banquet going on at my school, and I thought I'd ask you to come."

"Me?" Meg blinked. "Why not Chris? I mean, you're closer to him than you are to--"

"Well, I mean, do you actually have anything you're doing at..." Stewie dug the paper out of his pocket. "...this date?" He handed it to Meg, who looked it over. 

"...No, I guess not, but...do you really want ME coming?" Meg half-frowned. "You'd be a lot better off with--"

"Stop that. I picked you. You are coming to that banquet with me, Meg, and that's final. Did I make myself clear?" 

"...Yes."

"Good! We'll be closer than Mary Kate and Ashley Olson!" Stewie smiled, hopping onto Meg's bed. "....So what were you doing before I got in here?"

"...It's complicated."

"Hey. Hey. You can tell your little brother." 

Meg sighed. "I can't. Not yet. Just...let me think some things over, alright? I promise I'll go with you to the banquet." 

"Alright..." Stewie shrugged, hugging Meg. "Just remember, whenever you need it, I can destroy any of your enemies, just tell me where to aim my raygun."

Meg couldn't help but smile a bit. "Thanks."

* * *

 

That night, Peter came in for his first shift at the pizzeria. Stepping inside, he took a look around. Games...all turned off. Everything was off and kind of dark. He slowly raised a brow, staring at the animatronics. Brian was right, admittedly. They were kind of...eerie. He waved a hand in front of them and chuckled. "Heya. I'm the new night guard! We'll be best friends, I know it, and you'll sing me all the crappy generically public domain birthday songs I want!" He whistled, taking his baton out and twirling it around on one finger. He followed the signs to the security room and took a seat.

"...What's this button do?" He stared at a button on one side of his chair, pressing it. Immediately, a steel gate closed on his left side. "...huh." He blinked, pressing one on his other side, and sure enough, it closed the other side. "Weird." A quick look-over the desk...electric fan (gotta never turn that off), cute little plushies of the characters, and a phone...with a message on it. Intrigued, he pressed the button.

_"If you're listening to this, hey! It's your first night as a night guard at Danny Dunpanda's Pizzeria!"_

"...Sounds like an acne-ridden teenage guy." Peter frowned.

_"Let me just...read over the intro thing I'm required to say...ahem. We here at Danny Dunpanda's Pizzeria are not responsible for mutilation, dismemberment, or harassment by evil ghosts that may happen in this establishment - I don't know why they require me to read that, but they do, it's never happened to me!"_

"That's a weird disclaimer."

_"Anyway, your job's easy! All you've gotta do is look at the cameras and make sure nothing out of place happens! It's really simple!"_

"Sounds easy."

_"But, um, you've also gotta remember...the animatronics get a little weird at night. I mean, they've got this free-roaming program that goes on at night. Like, it's apparently mandatory because if we turn it off, they just don't work right during the day. They turn on, but they just...stare. So we have to keep them moving about at night. I guess they might get nervous, eh? Hahahaha..."_

"Yeah, I guess."

_"But I'd close the doors on either side if they got close, just in case. You know. They might not be able to differentiate humans between animatronics and they might shove you into one of their suits...and there's all sorts of dangerous things in there, wires, metal bits, broken glass...dunno why that's in there but it is....and all sorts of things you don't want inside you, ironically! So be careful, alright? And try not to run out of power! We've got a problem with that! But still don't turn the fan off because if you turn that fan off, everything else goes off. Dunno why."_

"That's weird."

_"But yeah! Easy peasy! I'll check in with you tomorrow night! See ya!"_

"Alrighty then." Peter leaned back in the chair. "This'll be really easy." He opened the doors, looking back and forth. "Bet that 'free roaming' bullshit is just something they tell to all the new employees to scare 'em. Heh. Well, you're not gonna get me, phone guy. Peter Griffin is not to be fooled!" He flicked on the light in the left hallway--only to se--

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEE! There was a giant horse outside the door, wearing a bib that said 'I LIKE CHILDREN!' 

"HOLY CRAP!" He slammed the door shut, staring at it for a few seconds. "....Guess he wasn't lying. Also, what the hell was that weird noise? Sounded like Mickey Mouse if he got his genitals stuck in a mousetrap." He chuckled. "Genitals."

Hearing the animatronic walk away, he opened the door once more. "Alright, that's not happening again. Not if I can help it, at least." And he was lucky, for that first night was generally uneventful, despite the fact that he'd eventually stopped paying attention and started playing Galaga on his iPod instead. Perhaps the animatronics were examining the possibilities of their new guard.

Or perhaps they too were scared.

Or really confused that someone would hire that idiot for the job.

 

 


End file.
